In the Middle of My Storm
Dear Jesus Freak!
I hope you all are having a wonderful day!! To be honest this week was very interesting, I definitely have had to fight with myself mentally and I am going to share it with you after some LIFE UPDATES: I am so excited to be accepted into Colorado Christian University! As many of you already know, I have been working hard in studying and test taking to get accepted. I also just turned 21 which is so exciting but does seem to have a part in why i have been struggling mentally with a few things.
Onto what I wanted to talk about with mentality this week! I was just having a rough day at the beginning of the week, I had recently been praying for a certain door to open in my life, and was so sure I would get it because after all, I am praying for it! I am going to God for it! But I knew that door was shut, like bolted, with nails, and that it wasn’t going to ever open. My heart sunk and that led me to take it out on snacking! I went to the store that day, got my favorite snacks, and went home and devoured the whole bag while crying. It is a VERY embarrassing moment to look back on already!
The next morning I did what any normal person would do after eating junk food late at night, I weighed myself. This led to more crying as i had gained 4 pounds literally OVERNIGHT! (Believe me, I don’t enjoy sharing this at all, but I am getting somewhere!) After two days of just feeling like swimming through peanut butter, with no energy, and just wanting to cry and sleep, I got mad at myself. How could I allow something that’s intended as a part of God’s plan to get me this low? I was mad that I had given power to the wrong person in a moment of frustration, I gave the power to the Accuser. He was speaking lies, and I didn’t refute them with the Word. He was saying “well obviously you aren’t worth loving,” “you don’t have confidence anymore,” “you aren’t pretty enough for anyone.” This was tearing me apart, and even now I am starting to cry with those terrible thoughts that were just replaying in my head.
The Lord knows who I am, He knows who He’s making me to be, and all the hard work He has already put into me, even when I am inpatient, or hard to work with. He didn’t leave me in these moments of defeat, I was walking away from Him, listening to the Liar. I had a much needed prayer on Wednesday, giving my concerns, my heartache, and my thoughts to the Lord. I needed to understand not being ok is ok, as long as I am giving it to God, and crying to Him. Bad days happen, but at the end of them when you are all alone, you aren’t. He is right there beside you!
Here are some verses that really helped me this week that I would read in devotionals and my Bible reading and it was just what I needed:
Luke 24:25-26~ His plan didn’t fail, we aren’t seeing it God’s way.
2 Timothy 3:14- Don’t doubt in the darkness what God has already shown you in the Light.
2 Corinthians 10:5~ Take every thought into captivity
Matthew 21:21~ Faith can move mountains
Matthew 14:14~ Jesus in his moment of sadness and depression was still compassionate for others and cared for them instead of dwelling in His sadness.
Proverbs 23:12~ Listen to His Word and not advice from others. Make it your final authority!
Psalm 78:41~ If i turned away from God and chose my own path I would LIMIT myself from what GOd will do in my life.
Genesis 39:4, 45:5~ It could be worse, and Joseph still served to the best of his ability for God. He knew God had a plan even when so much went wrong in His life that I couldn’t even imagine getting through myself.
Philippians 4:11~ As he is in prison Paul talks about being content in any situation he is in for God’s plan!
1 Corinthians 15:58 ~ God sees my labour for Him.
I hope that this could be a blessing to you today. Remember what you have heard a million times that you are fearfully and wonderfully made! It’s true, lean on God right now. Pray to Him, let Him take on your burdens, let Him take your anxieties, let Him guide you through them. He is working on you! Don’t lose sight of Him because He hasn’t lost sight of you!
Sincerely,Bella
